"you should be a comedian" "too bad i've got killer stage fright"

back to hitting walls. purple knuckles are my way of telling you "not yet". and i could get away from it all if i could make all the ringing stop. poor feedback. planes dont ever stop. biting backs bitter words and the taste in my mouth makes me sick. there have been kingdoms and empires built on a single lie. and one truth sends bricks tumbling. reality versus everything else, and i am putting every last dime on the latter. everything in my head makes so much more sense then everything in front of these eyes. if you think its bad now, just wait until the summer sun gets put in a box. leaves wont be the only thing falling, kid. keeping secrets from all of them, fresh fallacies for fresh faces. my will is concrete until a pair of eyes breaks me down. so much for that. ive got friends but they are mostly a vowel too many for something i have in high volume. full moons keep me wired. open interpretation. the most fun ive had on my phone is when i dont have to say a single word. you are my favorite thing about this shitty city right now.

somewhere in the vicinity of ow.

thats where my ear is right now.
i am super good at pushing things that probably should not be pushed.
wanting what i should not want, saying what should not be said.
spent the night yelling over planes sharing the stars and moon(shine) and trading insults with him.
no matter how bad it sounds, it was really one of my best nights.
but its a total hushhush situation.
keeping company on a need-to-know basis.
you may not have noticed that i am currently head over heels.
definitely his fault, not mine.

"were gonna bury this town alive..."

the kind of kid who looks gift horses in the mouth. its not the luck thats bad more like the intentions, which are never too clear in the first place. preach professionalism but lie cheat and steal to get by. but it was never supposed to be like this. heart of gold but the maintenance is killer. the story is always different depending on who you ask. civility becomes malicious when backs are turned. what do you do when you realize that your surroundings effect you and tear away at your ideals leaving you just as h(ope)elpless as everyone else. baby youve got more faults than san andreas. you are thin ice and everyday has got you cracking a little more. one in a million but less like standing out and more like another face in the crowd. your best days are behind you but i would break my back to build you a home out of every moment that made you smile. fight wars to get that light back in your eyes (and find my way home again). bury bodies and dream up alibis to make you okay. and you say that you are not worth it, except that you are, to someone. there is a pile of wishes in the corner waiting to be dusted off and revisited. boxes of feelings you packed up long ago convinced they were no longer needed that are dying to be opened. sun kissed cheeks kissing his under the atlanta sun. a million miles away give or take never felt so safe. come back down, come back home. routine settles in like the hoodie you couldnt take off when you were gone. compared it to being in a dream but awake the whole time, like too good to be true and too good for you. currently: sharing backyards and stars with someone new, but only in whispers and texts behind backs. because friends that cannot have you to themselves are disenchanted with the idea of sharing you with their friends. fall asleep on couches and wake up on floors. funny how one person makes your foundation crumble. how a single set of eyes turns all your thoughts around. and how butterflies find their way back the same time you hear from them. you are a natural disaster, and it is all you know. the path of destruction can be found in the hearts you leave broken, and the ties that you sever along the way. but youve got such a one track mind that it wont even matter until long after the fact. precious like a pretty rock, but your flaws make you the worst diamond ever. even though, i would still slip you on my finger if it meant keeping you close.

read this back in the morning and hate every line. it always makes more sense at night. forever the night(mare)time kid.

like sands through the hourglass...

everything about the last week has been amazing.
more than i bargained for indeed.
too proud when i say it hasnt gotten old.
the weirdest feeling is coming home to a place you cannot stand and getting excited at seeing your own stars under your own sky again.
i honestly did not want to be back here, but now that i am, maybe i can egin to breathe easier.
its been magic mostly.
new faces are incredible and new friends are twenty four karat.
keep telling myself that its not my life until it makes sense.
for the first time, i mean this in the best way ever.
back to the old grind in a few hours.
if this fades i dont know what i will do.

biting my tongue to get the taste of you out of my mouth.

tear another page out of the calendar.
and another.
and another.
monkey wrench in the gears of the best plan ever.
hope it turns out okay.
i think no matter what my id card reads, ill never get this growing up thing down.
my life is in everyones hands but my own.
stories safety-pinned to every piece.
maybe one day ill sit down and read them all and laugh.
the sooner i leave the better.
and i know i have to come back, come down, but just for a little bit i am pretending that i do not.

sunset. saturday. sweat.

when the song hits your brain at the right moment, it feels like magic.
and it was.
this makes no sense.
its about to get amazing.
sleep cant catch me tonight.

i.o.u (a better title).

new friends are golden.
twenty four karat even.
hopping state lines fighting crowds and singing every word.
its got me glowing.
thank you so much.
i cannot wait.

summer showers and silver linings.

steam rolling off the ground.
like science fiction resized for the wide eyes of the world.
i want to fall in love with anyone who would stand by me when the sky falls around us.
hold hands, listen for heartbeats in between rolling thunder and rolling eyes.
theres room to spare under this umbrella.
but this won't make sense and maybe it shouldn't in the first place.
so lets fast forward to the second.

i put the ass in assasin and im putting out a hit on myself.

everyday i see the person i am supposed to be.
and each time i walk the opposite way.
do not want to be awake in the morning.
and late night charm is starting to crack.
looking for someone to spend the graveyard shift watching stars with me instead of just talking about them.
'you hear it first' but the news broke days ago.
hot people and hot rooms had colors blurring today.
antisocial. claustrophobic. a little off. maybe.
pulled back my skin so the world could see my wounds.
the end result; ''disenchanted'', said like i would not get it.
just a sad song with nothing to say...(to you).
the public viewing has become a private affair.
and you cannot blame them for not catching the meaning.
i don't make much sense these days.
what is monumental to me are molehills for you.
my heart isn't too much good at anything but i put it into everything that i do.
i am equal parts kryptonite and dynamite.
and i will blow you away if i don't blow up first.
i want to get under your skin, inside your head and fall asleep in your nightmares.
my nose is running, and my mind is running away.
tonight has me miserable, but apparently noone wants to hear that.
find a song that makes you smile and send me the pictures.
keep them under my pillow so maybe i can dream something sweeter.
snooze button lovers.
if we give up tonight tomorrow won't matter.