sometimes i wonder about my place in this life.
why i refuse to talk to some people and why i will endlessly find my way back into the lives of people that have made me sad.
one could say i am a sucker for disappointment, but i like to think that they are wrong.
sometimes it takes walking back into the fire that one extra time to get that flame inside you reignited.
i think i found someone who makes me happy.
who makes the smiles feel real.
cause i am smiling thinking about them when they are nowhere near me.
i dont know why exactly i am on this current path, what i did to get here, or how i ended up the way that i did. if i had the chance to do it all from the start, i wouldnt change anything, just maybe keep better notes.
someone who was once close to me is in a home now. and there is a full scale war waging in my heart. looking back, i can find all the mistakes that were made along the way, point out flaws and their ripple effects, but i cannot find it in me to go back.
like i am confident in my decision, but if time is not good to this person, i will feel terrible for the rest of my life. i am an often inconsiderate person. some might say selfish, i would like to think they are wrong. absence and ignorance is the only way i know to deal with obstacles that make me hurt inside. and guilt from people who are two faced does little to make me change my mind.
as this person fades, my head is being torn apart.
you cannot go home once you have left.
i am truly lost, and thank the universe for giving me someone who can try and put these thoughts at rest.
i am a terrible person, or so they have said. but i would like to make you believe that they are wrong. even if i cannot convince myself of this.