'the only downside to being head over heels

is that it makes putting your foot in your mouth easier'

writing love letters to naked trees.

its all about color.
branches filled with violent red leaves, daring to jump, itching to depart.
it's only always going to end up under foot.
crunched up and unimportant when they fade into brown.
but they have their glory intact.

give me a perfect situation and i will always find a way to screw it up.
i am skilled in thwarting the most divine plans.

some people will work towards exhaustion to sneak in a sucker punch.
when youre head over heels, it doesnt really hurt when your jaw hits the floor.
the issues may be justified, but the retaliation is simply unfair.
i call your attacks futile because i refuse to change course to please someone who saw fit to tear me apart all that time ago.

give it up kid. i am not budging.
and dont you dare even the playing field by turning players against each other.

what am i thankful for?

him.
new friends.
late nights.
full moons.
sleepyheads.
4am texts.
music.
but mostly right now him.
and how i cannot wait to see him again.

I've got autumn in my hair, I'm all about fall(ing).

I've severed myself from the family tree.
It doesn't get to me. Much.
It's a weird feeling not feeling a part of anything.
The world keeps spinning and days keep melting away, whether I am a part of it or just apart from it.
Somewhere along the way, I have lost my identity.
And have taken to looking at the bottom of bottles for answers.
Dye and drinks, it's all the same, no matter how you spin it.
If you can't find yourself, the endless possibilities will never fully satisfy.
Artificially colored roots won't distance you from the real ones.
All the hours before that well earned hangover won't help you forget.
It's something that lives in the back of your mind, despite all your best efforts.
It'll be what drives you to insanity, unless of course, you're already there.
Here's to those doctors, working away in labs, to make up the milligrams to make this hurt less.

'we bring ourselves down'

it feels like everything is on a reality induced delay.
like never really being in the moment because by the time you get there, everything is in boxes and everyone has already gone home.
fashionably late to life.
you could blame it on traffic, but these feet dont ever really stop.
like putting miles between me and the world without leaving my house.
veins pumping with adrenaline but my head is heavy.
the only thought in my mind when i hit the pillow as the sun comes up, is how perfect it would be if i never got back up.
but there is a single person who makes me feel terrible for thinking it in the first place.
i invest too much into the people who make me smile, and theyre usually the ones that turn my smile upside down.
accepting the fact that change is impossible.
i am stuck in my routine.
twelve steps behind everybody else.

i put the 'tense' in pretense.

i am hardly as eloquent as i would like to pretend i am.
more naive than you would think, and less exciting than the rumors that sit lazily on the tips of gossip lips.
i have been trying too long to outline my gray clouds with silver sharpies.
looking for good that cannot be found.
in everything and everyone.
we are all second place in the human race.
designed with failure in mind.
we settle for silver, and woefully resign.
secondhand sympathy and artificial apathy.
our hearts and minds are balanced always by the mighty milligram.
we grow and branch like weeds.
overtaking anything we can.
we infect hearts and poison lives.
i cant find my place anymore.
not too sure i knew my place to begin with.
cant put my feet on anything real.
slipping through the cracks sounds like a dream vacation.
need more than this.
need to be more than this.
but this world is a place that takes until there is nothing left to take.
when you have nothing to more to give, then you are noone.
and noone ever gave a shit about a nobody.
i want to sleep for a million years and wake up when it doesnt suck anymore.
or maybe by then i will suck less.
i am a day to day minimum wage zombie with a penchant for being a convenient doormat.
but noone cares about the kid with nothing interesting to say.