'we bring ourselves down'

it feels like everything is on a reality induced delay.
like never really being in the moment because by the time you get there, everything is in boxes and everyone has already gone home.
fashionably late to life.
you could blame it on traffic, but these feet dont ever really stop.
like putting miles between me and the world without leaving my house.
veins pumping with adrenaline but my head is heavy.
the only thought in my mind when i hit the pillow as the sun comes up, is how perfect it would be if i never got back up.
but there is a single person who makes me feel terrible for thinking it in the first place.
i invest too much into the people who make me smile, and theyre usually the ones that turn my smile upside down.
accepting the fact that change is impossible.
i am stuck in my routine.
twelve steps behind everybody else.