my heart may not be dynamite, but this kids gonna make it explode.

i think i have run out of things to say about you.
on whichever side you would like.
its kind of like being a kid at a carnival and seeing that one toy that you beg and beg and beg for, until your parents get really angry about and want to get it for you just so you'll shut up.
im kind of all about you if you havent noticed.
your jet-lagged sleepy headed voice in my ear makes a bad day do an about face.
your time traveling ways into snowed out cities just gives me one more reason to count down a few more days.
and the cards that the universe deals you makes me wish a hug could make it all go away.
but even if it could, weve got a time zone between us.
but you know me, and how it goes, ill be over here on my coast, still going stupid for you and still hoping youll lose just a little bit of your sense for me.

i'm about two steps away from where i need to be (give or take)

party monster is a totally underrated movie.

everything feels like square pegs being shoved into round slots.
nothing fits.
keep seeing people as little more than apes with paychecks.
my perception is off, but is it really.
the ones who can see the wheels we run in everyday are the first ones we call crazy.
do we count the steps back on the road of evolution.
we live fastlane lives so we can leave decorated corpses.
in the ocean of media, noone will even remember you if you can't be bothered to make a splash.
on a scale from mother theresa to hitler, where will your mark be plotted.
where will my mark fall.

short sleeve winters and rained out christmases.
i was born in the wrong climate.
i cant find my cheer.
the joy of the season alludes me.
the tree, the lights, the decorations, the songs, nothing gets to me.
traded in my hopes of a white winter for a season full of blues.

i need to get out of here.
this city, my head, my monotony, its all the same.
spike my drink with spirit cause i am all out.

'is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?'

did you take me back or did i let you take me back.
not too sure.
this seasonal depression, because i forget the medical term, is overstaying its welcome.
maybe it's because the most i can ever hope for is rain.
white christmas' went out when warmer weather settled in.
we've got umbrellas and puddles while they've got cocoa and snowballs.
none of this feels right.
it's similar to trying on that pair of shoes you've kept for no reason other than they remind you of a different time, a different you.
and that sadness that creeps in when you realize you'll never be able to squeeze into them no matter how much you tell yourself that it doesnt hurt.
all the trees in the world are lit up, if not with lights then with leaves.
and i can't find an ounce of cheer.
promise i wont be mad if you whispered it in my ear.

string me along like those christmas lights.

id be willing to believe whatever you wanted to tell me.
hearts are made to be broken, not bruised or bent.
the air is bitter, like the mood was last week.
been trying to keep all of your sweetest words close at hand.
leave it to me to spill my guts right after you put us on ice.
ill wait because its the only thing i am good at.
back stabbers and best friends are an awkward phone call away.
he could be both, but don't listen to him.